I didn’t think it was possible, but someone did it.
Someone made the sport of curling interesting. By the way, you know a sport is sort of obscure when you have to refer to it as “the sport of … .”
You would never have to say “the sport of football” or “the sport of basketball.” But you do have to say “the sport of curling” because if you just said “curling” people might think you’re talking about what women did to their hair in the 1980s.
Now, before you send me nasty emails, I realize that a lot people already find the sport of curling interesting. Just as a lot of people find soccer interesting.
I’m just not one of them.
As long as we’re on the subject, I don’t find opera interesting either.
To be accurate, the “someone” who managed to make the sport of curling interesting wasn’t so much a “one” as it was a team of someones.
According to The Washington Post, a curling team composed of Jamie Koe, Ryan Fry, Chris Schille and D.J. Kidby were disqualified over the weekend from the Red Deer Curling Classic in Alberta, Canada, for being “extremely drunk.”
See what I mean? You’re interested right? In the sport of curling. I was too.
Wade Thurber, the facilities manager for the tournament, told the Post that the team was “extremely drunk and breaking brooms and swearing” while playing the tournament.
According to the Post, a commentator for a livestream of the tournament said the team showed up around 11 a.m. Saturday.
“They were sitting over there drinking, about 30, 40 empty beer bottles, and they were doing shots,” the commentator said.
As far as I’m concerned, anytime you have the words “30, 40 empty beer bottles” followed by “and they were doing shots,” someone is probably having too much fun.
Do you realize how drunk you have to be to be considered “extremely drunk” in Canada?
I’ve been to Canada. I love Canada, and one of the reasons I do is because Canadians love beer almost as much as a certain U.S. Supreme Court justice.
The amazing thing is that, according to the Post, the team actually won its first match. That’s right. They won a curling match after drinking 30 or 40 beers and doing shots.
How would you like to be on the team they beat?
I’m thinking that curling is one of the few sports you could manage to play fairly well while drunk. Sure, you can play darts in a bar drunk, but you can’t play the game well.
Or so I’ve heard.
Years ago, I played on a slow-pitch softball team, and one time our pitcher got so drunk he fell off the mound. I also knew a guy who got so drunk on a canoe trip that he passed out. In the canoe.
So, sure you can play some sports or take part in an outdoor activity while drunk. You just can’t do it well.
But four “extremely drunk” Canadians managed to curl well enough to win their first match.
Of course, it’s possible that’s because one of the drunk curlers was a bit of a ringer. According to the Post, Ryan Fry was a member of the Canadian curling team that won the gold medal in the 2014 Winter Olympics.
To his credit, Ryan apologized for his behavior and said the tournament officials were right to disqualify his team.
But still. Too drunk to curl?
According to the Post, here is how Wade Thurber, the facilities manager, described the tournament official’s decision to disqualify the team: “So, at the end of the day, it was like, ‘OK, that’s enough of this gong show.’”
That may be the best thing I’ve ever heard come out of a curling story.
Now if you will excuse me, I think it’s time for a beer.
And maybe a shot.