Counting steps? Not on my watch

I’m giving it a chance.

It’s the least I can do. I mean, our 22-year-old daughter Emma put a lot of thought into it and she really thinks, once I get used to it, I’ll like it.

I mean it’s a Father’s Day gift from my daughter, what’s a dad supposed to do?

If my wife had given me the gift, I could have said how much I liked and appreciated it and then put it in my closet never to be seen again.

That’s what veteran husbands and wives do with gifts from each other they’re unsure about.

Look, my wife has a closet full of clothes, books, and assorted other things I’ve given her over the years that have never seen actual daylight.

Ditto for me.

By the way, I have been writing a column since 2001 and never once in all of those thousands of columns have I ever typed, “Ditto for me.”

Just wanted to point that out.

The Father’s Day gift Emma gave me was the gift of an Apple Watch. Now, even someone with limited technological knowledge such as myself, knows what an Apple Watch is.

The main reason I know what an Apple Watch is because my wife and Emma have one.

I haven’t seen them wear them in a while but they have them.

What I remember about Emma and my wife’s Apple Watches was they mainly used them to count how many steps they took on any given day.

I thought keeping track of how many steps you take on any given day was-to use a technological term-stupid.

Here’s how I determine how many steps I have taken at the end of a given day. If I’m tired at the end of a given day, I figure the number of steps I took was “a lot.”

If I’m not tired at the end of a given day, I figure the number of steps I took was “not a lot.”

So, as you might imagine, I was somewhat surprised when Emma gave me an Apple Watch for Father’s Day. Emma, reading the surprise on my face, immediately said my new Apple Watch would let me do a lot of things that I couldn’t do before.

I was skeptical.

“If you wear the watch you won’t have to worry about having your cellphone with you all the time,” Emma said.

“Go on,” I said.

Emma explained I would be able to load a bunch of stuff from my cellphone onto my watch effectively turning my watch into my cellphone.

“What if someone calls me?” I asked.

“You can talk to them on your watch,” Emma said.

“You mean like Dick Tracy?” I said.

“I don’t know who that is,” Emma said.

Suddenly, I felt much older than I actually am.

My wife told me it was important to always know where the charger for my watch is.

“How come you don’t wear your watch anymore?” I asked my wife.

“I can’t find the charger,” she said.

“I see,” I said. And this time I did see.

Both Emma and my wife agreed they need to start wearing their Apple Watches more often. But they also said because my watch is newer it has a lot more features than theirs.

I took them at their word.

Later that day Emma helped me “pair” my watch with my cellphone. As I understood it, once my watch and cellphone were paired, I would be able to misplace both of them.

Ha. I joke.

No, once my watch and cellphone were paired my watch would function ipso facto as my cellphone.

Here’s another by the way. Not only have I never used the words “Ipso facto” in a column before I’m not even sure I spelled them right or used them correctly.

Good thing I’m my own editor now.

Now that I think about it, my use of “Ipso facto” is probably close to being correct but not quite actually correct.

But, hey, close isn’t bad.

For the past few days I’ve been trying to get used to my watch. I’ve discovered I can play music on my watch and listen to it via my Bluetooth headphones. I can also check text messages, phone calls and emails on my watch.

And get this: I can check the time on my watch.

I know!

The only thing, so far, I haven’t figured out how to do is find out how many steps I’ve taken on a given day.

Good thing I already have a system for that.