Stand up, walk around, breath. NOW!

My watch keeps nagging me.

I guess it’s OK because if my watch is taking the time to nag me that means it cares about me.

I think.

But on the other wrist having a watch which, to my knowledge is not human, nag me is a little bit strange. Look, I’m a veteran husband. I know all about nagging. In fact, I’m sort of used to it. But still.

Nagging? From a watch?

The watch was a Father’s Day gift from our 22-year-old daughter Emma. It’s one of those Apple Watches that lets you know how active you’re being.

That’s not all the watch does. Emma showed me how to load a bunch of things from my cellphone onto the watch allowing it to act somewhat like my cellphone.

Emma told me she got the watch for me because, “You like literally never have your phone with you.”

Of course, later my wife told me Emma told her she got me the watch so I would be able to communicate with someone if I fell.

My wife said she asked Emma “How old do you think your dad is?”

I thought that was a good question. In short, Emma’s answer was “Old.”
Told you it was “In short.”

The thing is, if the watch hadn’t been a gift from Emma, I probably wouldn’t wear it very often. My wife is always giving me gifts she’s certain will make my life easier and I’ll use them for a while and then put them in my closet never to be seen again.

And  my wife is OK with that because, as I think I’ve pointed out in the past, my wife also has a closet full of gifts I purchased for her that I was certain would make her life easier.

But with Emma it’s different.

How is it different, you ask?

I don’t know it just is.

So I wear the watch even though it nags me.

Specifically what my watch nags me about how active I am. Or, more accurately,  how active I’m not.

I will be minding my own business, reading a book, and sipping a beer when my watch will buzz and then tell me I’m short of my daily goal for the number of steps taken.

The first time that happened I was a bit puzzled because I didn’t know I had a daily goal for the number of steps taken.  Seems to me any sort of goal measuring the steps you’ve taken is a dubious one at best.

It’s not exactly hard to take steps. Basically you put one foot in front of you and then put your other foot in front of you and “BAM” you’ve taken a step.

Although, you probably shouldn’t yell  “BAM” every time you take a step lest people think you’re a loon.

The way I see it toddlers are the only people who should have a daily goal for steps taken.

Sometimes my watch will get sort of snarky. Say I’m sitting at my computer-to use a purely hypothetical example- drinking a beer and reading about another St. Louis Cardinal positive COVID-19 test. At some point, my watch will buzz and tell me to stand up and move around.

When that happens, I want to say “You stand up and move around. I’m busy here.”

But then I remember I’m talking about a watch so I don’t say anything.

But later, to make my watch happy, I do stand up and walk around. Specifically, I stand up and walk around to the kitchen and get a beer out of the refrigerator.

This seems to make my watch happy.

Sometimes, out of the blue, my watch will tell me I need to breathe.

Look, I barely passed basic college biology but even I know the importance of breathing. Really besides twisting the cap off a bottle of beer breathing is one of my most important activities.

Sigh. But I will continue wearing my watch. Because Emma gave it to me.

And because if I’m not wearing it and I fall Emma will nag me forever.