So here’s what happened.

We were desperate to get to our destination. Our options were becoming fewer and fewer.

And just when I thought we were going to be stuck in the Atlanta, Georgia airport -out of nowhere- a miracle happened.

We just happened to be sitting next to a polka band. The leader of the band -who looked like the late John Candy -offered us a ride in their van and that’s how we got back to Chicago and reunite with our son Kevin.

Oh, wait, that was “Home Alone”.

Which is good because I just realized I don’t have son and even if I did, I’m pretty sure his name wouldn’t be Kevin. Also, we weren’t trying to get to Chicago we were trying to get to Key West, Floridia, where our daughter Emma and her fiancé were supposed to get married.

Although, it might be sort of cool to ride with a polka band. Unless, of course, the van smelled like sauerkraut.

I know what some of you are thinking.

Some of you are thinking “Mike would you quit screwing around and just tell us how you got to Key West.”

Here’s what we did.

 

We drove.

Nine hours.

To Key West.

When Emma’s fiancé first suggested we drive, I agreed.

“That’s a great idea,” I said. “We’ll stay in a hotel tonight. Then get up early and drive to Key West.”

I looked at Emma’s fiancé and he looked at Emma.

“Oh (bad word),” I said.

Emma had a look on her face that said, “I DON’T WANT TO WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW (BAD WORD ) MORNING. I WANT TO GO RIGHT NOW. I DON’T CARE THAT IT’S ALMOST 10 OCLOCK AT NIGHT. I WANT TO GET TO KEY (SAME BAD WORD) WEST AS SOON AS I CAN!”

It was, as always, a hell of a look.

The problem with driving all night to get to Key West was that my wife and I are old.

Not too old to make a nine-hour drive but too old to see well at night. It’s not that we can’t drive at night it’s that we don’t like to drive at night. Especially if we’re driving in unfamiliar territory.

My wife and I explained this to Emma and her fiancé.

“That’s OK,” they said. “We’ll drive.”

And they did.

Emma’s fiancé did the bulk of the driving but Emma did her fair share.

I helped by sitting in the front seat to keep them company.

Oh sure, when we got on the other side of Miami and the sun was coming up, I drove the last few hours to Key West, but mainly Emma and her fiancé did the driving.

Which I thought was sort of fair.

I mean, sure they had to do a lot of driving. But hey, I still had a wedding speech to write.

We got to Key West around nine in the morning and checked into the hotel. Emma was happy. Emma’s fiancé was happy. My wife was happy. I was happy.

We were one big happy family.

Without our luggage.

That’s right. In the process of booking flights and having those flights get cancelled we weren’t sure where our luggage was.

It was either on the way to Key West, on the way to West Palm Beach or sitting in Atlanta having drinks at the bar.

Lest any of people of the female persuasion start to panic Emma did have her wedding dress with her.

I mean, we’re not idiots.

Well, I am but my wife and Emma are not, which is why they made sure the wedding dress was in our carry-on luggage. As was my wife’s dress and Emma’s fiancé’s and my tuxedo.

So, things were sort of bad but not horribly bad.

When my wife and I got to our room and said that I was going to take a nap and later was going to walk down to Captain Tony’s.

My wife laughed. Then she looked at my face.

“Oh my God, you’re serious,” she said.

“OH (Bad word),” I said.

What we did was go down to the front desk, double-checked to make sure all of our guests were on the hotel list. Then we talked to a very nice lady who, seemed to run the hotel, about the wedding for what seemed like hours.

Then we checked on the room Emma was going to use to get ready the morning of the wedding.

Then we met with our friend Vidal who, along with my wife, was planning the wedding  for what seemed like hours.

Then my wife called Emma to talk about the wedding for what seemed like hours.

Then we drove to the Key West airport and waited for our luggage to arrive for what seemed like hours.

Actually, we did wait for hours to get our luggage.

At the end of the day all was right with the world.

We had our luggage. My wife was satisfied the wedding plans were holding up. Emma was satisfied that we got to Key West before her wedding party.

My wife was happy. Emma was happy.

Which meant Emma’s fiancé and I were happy.

We were one big happy family.

Except one of us still had a wedding speech to write.