‘Dialing up’ change gets harder with each passing year

I’m trying to change.

But change is hard. Change can be upsetting, and it can be even more upsetting if you’re an old person.

I’m an old person.

By the way, when I was a younger person, I worked in fields that brought frequent changes in ownership and management. Whenever there was a change in ownership and management, there was change in our jo and most of that time, the change was not change in a good way.

Most of the time that change was change in the sense of “we want you to work more for less money.”

Whenever new ownership or management would talk to us about change, they would say that we shouldn’t be afraid of change. Instead, they said, we should embrace change.

The thing is, if change meant less work and more money maybe we would have embraced it. But it never did, so we never did.

That’s something else that happens when you become and old person: You find yourself saying “By the way” and veering wildly off target. Of course, I have been saying “By the way” and veering wildly off target for years. So maybe it’s a me thing and not an age thing.

Now, where was I?

Oh right. I’m changing.

The first thing I’m trying to change is my use of the phrase “Dial it up.” Very early in the David Letterman show on NBC whenever Dave would talk about a TV show, he would say “Dial it up.”

As someone who grew up in a time when you did in fact dial up a TV show, I thought that was funny and began saying it myself.

I now use the phrase “Dial up” when I refer to the internet.

“I’m going to dial up Twitter,” I might say to our 20-year-old daughter, Emma, who then will say “Stop it, Dad. That’s gross. You don’t dial up Twitter.”

I know that Emma is correct and that you don’t dial up a website, which is why saying it makes me laugh.

But Emma and my wife hate it when I say “Dial it up,” so I have vowed to stop saying the phrase.

The other thing I’m trying to change is my use of a computer mouse. According to Emma, using a computer mouse is “literally, so 2000.”

Now when you’re an old person, “so 2000” is not that long ago, but when you’re a young person, “so 2000” is a lifetime ago.

It’s a perspective deal is what it is.

The problem is I’ve tried not using a mouse before and not had much luck. It’s not that I don’t want to stop using my computer mouse, it’s that I can’t.

It’s sort of like olives. For as long as I can remember I’ve tried to like olives. I think I would lead a much fuller life if I liked olives. They put olives on pizza. They put olives in antipasti, and most importantly, they put olives in martinis. But no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to like olives.

I’m trying very hard to quit using my computer mouse, but I’m still having trouble. When I slide my fingers on the little pad thing at the bottom of my keyboard, I can’t keep track of the little arrow thing.

In case you’re wondering, “little arrow thing” is a technical computer term.

But Emma thinks using a computer mouse makes me appear old, and she would like for me to stop.

“I’m worried about you,” is what Emma said to me on Thursday.

My wife is younger than I am, but she’s not that much younger and she doesn’t use a computer mouse. But she also uses chopsticks.

So, there is that.

The good news is that I can probably find a video to help me ditch my computer mouse on YouTube.

I think I’ll dial it up.