There is a great line in Seth McFarlane’s “A Million Ways to Die in the West” that, for me, sort of sums up what life is like for many of us right now.
In the scene Seth’s character walks into his house on the sheep farm he shares with his parents. The movie takes place in the 1880s in the west which Seth depicts as just an incredibly horrible place and time to live. When Seth walks into his meager house his dad, who is sitting in a chair next to his wife, looks at him and yells “You’re late,” and Seth says “For what?” and then his dad says “Fair enough.”
I don’t how many times in the past week or so I’ve thought to myself “Gosh I better hurry or I’m going to be late” and myself has basically said “For what?”
Again, that’s what life is now for those of us fortunate enough to be able to stay in our homes right now. And when I say, “those of us fortunate to be able to stay in our homes,” I mean those of us not working jobs too important to stay home from.
I’m not sure I worded that correctly. But you get my drift.
This should go without saying; but we all owe a great deal of gratitude to those folks who, despite the risks, continue to go to work because what they do is important to the rest of us. People like medical professionals, or the people who stock and man our grocery stores, the people who deliver the groceries to those stores, the people who pick up our trash, our law enforcement and fire department officers and all the other people who, every day still go work because they’re needed.
I think, right now, at the very least, the best thing we can do to show our gratitude to all of those people, is to stay home as much as we can. Again, it should go without saying but apparently there are some morons out there who don’t get it. So, for the morons, I’ll say what shouldn’t have to be said.
Stay home as much as possible. If you don’t go out it’s harder for you to get sick. And, if you don’t get sick, you make it harder for someone else to get sick.
So do your part. Stay home. It’s not that hard.
By the way, I had never seen “A Million Ways to Die in the West” until Saturday afternoon when I caught it on one of the cable channels we get. When the movie started, I remember thinking to myself “I shouldn’t spend my afternoon watching a movie” and myself said “Oh, you have big plans, do you?”
So I watched the movie and I laughed very hard. Later, I read not everyone laughed as hard as I did at “A Million Ways to Die in the West”. But that’s OK, it wouldn’t be the first time someone didn’t laugh at something I thought was very funny.
I later read a few reviews of the movie and I thought to myself “Wow, those people are way too serious.”
And myself said “Amen, brother.”
That’s right. Sometimes myself calls me “Brother”. But I should stress, myself never calls me “Bro.”
If myself ever called me “Bro” or “Dude” I would probably have to kill myself.
Here’s another “By the way…” about “A Million Ways to Die in the West.”
Don’t watch it if you’re easily offended or put off by rude, crude, sometimes gross and incredibly profane humor. If you are easily offended or put off by rude, crude, sometimes gross and incredibly profane humor “One Million Ways to Die in the West” is definitely not for you.
But, on the other outhouse, if you aren’t easily offended and love rude, crude, sometimes gross and incredibly profane humor, “One Million Ways to Die in the West” is the movie for you.
“How, rude, crude, sometimes gross and incredibly profane is ‘One Million Ways to Die in the West’ you ask?”
Gilbert Gottfried plays Abraham Lincoln.
When I sat down to write this column I didn’t intend to write about “One Million Ways to Die in the West” I think I was going to write about…well…I don’t remember what I was going to write about. I just know it wasn’t “One Million Ways to Die in the West”.
See, it’s been a while since I’ve written a column. When the paper I used to work for decided, after 17 years, it no longer needed my column, I started working on some other stuff. But since right now, as I think we’ve established, I have nothing to be late for, I decided to write some columns.
The problem with writing a column when you have nothing to be late for you is your frame of reference tends to be- well-unframed. So, when you sit down to write about…well, again, I don’t remember what… you wind up writing about a movie you watched a few days ago that made you laugh very hard.
So to sum up, don’t be a moron. Stay home if you don’t have to go out. And if you like rude, crude, gross and incredibly profane humor check out “A Million Ways to Die in the West”.
I mean, why not? What do you have to be late for?