Apparently, wallpaper is making a comeback and I’m uneasy with that.
Veteran husbands and wives will tell you wallpaper is the leading cause of divorce. Followed closely, of course, by raised toilet seats.
Early in our marriage, my wife and I tried to hang wallpaper together. We then went six weeks without speaking to each other.
When we bought the house we live in now we had to tackle a number of home improvement projects. And, when I say “We had to tackle a number of home improvement projects” I mean that in the sense we hired a bunch of guys to tackle the home improvement projects.
So, during the first few days in our house, there were a lot of guys wearing macho tool belts, hauling ladders and power tools while doing all sorts of manly home improvement chores.
But, hey, I had a macho job, too. I was given the important macho job of stripping the wallpaper in our dining room. A few days later, I was given the important macho job of stripping the wallpaper from the stairway leading to our upstairs.
So I could reach the wallpaper on the ceiling at the very top of our stairway, one of the macho guys laid a couple of ladders across the top banister then he told me to stand on them, reach up and strip the wallpaper. When I was getting ready to climb onto the ladders I said to the macho guy, “Well, at least if I fall, it shouldn’t be too bad” and he looked at me as if I were crazy and said, “Oh, no. It will hurt like hell.”
Hence my uneasiness with wallpaper making a comeback.
The reason I know wallpaper is making a comeback is because of Tamara Day. Tuesday night, while I was watching Tamara’s show “Bargain Mansions” she mentioned wallpaper was making a comeback. The way I figure it, if someone like Tamara says wallpaper is making a comeback then wallpaper is making a comeback.
If you don’t know, “Bargain Mansions” is a show on HGTV in which Tamara buys large older homes and, working with her Dad, completely renovates them.
Now, some of you who know me might be surprised that I watched something on HGTV because, over the years in this column, I have made it clear when it comes to home improvement projects I’m-to use a common construction expression term-a (Very bad word) moron.
One time, very early in our marriage, I walked through our living room carrying a screwdriver I was going to use to tackle some sort of minor home improvement project. My wife, who was on the phone talking to her mother, stopped and said (And I swear this is true), “I’ve got to go Mom. Mike’s got a screwdriver.”
Because I’m a (Very bad word) moron, as you might imagine, I usually don’t spend much time watching HGTV. But that has all changed because our 22-year-old daughter Emma, who is a graduate student in the School of Architecture and Design at the University of Kansas, is interning with Tamara. Emma likes Tamara and, as far as I’m concerned, if Emma likes her it stands to reason I will which is why, Tuesday night, I watched two of Tamara’s shows.
That’s right. I went from never watching a home improvement show to watching two of them.
Back to back.
I think that’s something.
The thing is I liked Tamara’s show. We live in a big, older home. My wife and I have a fondness for big, older homes. It’s one of the few things about home-related stuff we agree on. Actually, a fondness for big, older homes is about the only home-related opinion I have. The fact that Tamara tends to work on big, older homes appeals to me.
Unlike me, my wife and Emma love to watch home improvement shows. Tuesday night, while I watched and tried to keep up with what was going on, Emma and my wife, kept up a running commentary about the things Tamara was doing, why she was doing them and how much they liked what she was doing.
It was sort of like two guys on ESPN calling a football game only with less talk about groin pulls.
From now on, every Tuesday night, I’m going to sit down with Emma and my wife and watch “Bargain Mansions”. And who knows, someday, if I learn enough from Tamara’s show, she might even find something for me to do.
As long as it’s not stripping wallpaper.