It was only a four hour job

It’s been about a week since I sat down to write a column.

Hey, every once in a while, a guy needs to unwind.

Actually I didn’t some much as unwind last week as I did yard work. This might come as a surprise to some of you but I don’t like to do yard work.

I especially don’t like to do yard work involving the use of any sort of gas- propelled machine. I long ago gave up mowing our yard because I once got so mad at my lawn mower and Weed Eater, I decided to put them in a time out.

Turns out lawn mowers and Weed Eaters don’t mind being put in time out. They do mind being picked up and hurled into a tree.

Or, so I’ve been told.

Nowadays a great guy named Brad mows our yard. Brad likes to do yard work. He likes to be outside. Since I don’t like to do yard work and only like to be outside if I have a cold beer in my hand my arrangement with Brad is basically a win-win.

As they say.

One of the yard work chores I had to do last week was the yard work chore of power washing our deck and patio. The idea was for me to start power washing our deck and patio around noon Wednesday and be finished sometime after 4 p.m.

That was the idea. But as often is the case with me: Things happened.

One of the things that happened was something went wrong with the motor on our pool pump Wednesday morning requiring a trip into Joplin to visit the nice folks at Blue Water Pools.

The great folks at Blue Water know me quite well. The reason they know me quite well is because I’m a moron.

I told the great folks at Blue Water what the motor on the pump was doing and gave them a sample of pool water to test.

Fifteen minutes later, I walked out of Blue Water with five, 40-pound bags of salt and four containers of chemicals.

Along with the four containers of chemicals were written instructions detailing exactly how, where and when to put them into the pool.

I did mention I was a moron, didn’t I?

At 6 p.m. Wednesday I finished work on the pool.

Thursday morning I decided to take a little time to vacuum the pool. However, due to a misunderstanding between the pool and myself, I found myself driving back to Blue Water.

At 6 p.m. Thursday I finished work on the pool.

Friday morning, I opened our backyard shed to get the power washer out, so I could commence with the power washing of our deck and patio.

For some reason, I had trouble getting the power washer to start.

After about two hours, I got the power washer to start only to discover the part of the power washer that provides the power was no longer working. And, if your power washer doesn’t have power, all you have is a washer.

At 6 p.m. Friday I picked up my new power washer- curbside -at the large hardware and everything else store in our town.

Saturday morning I went outside to put my new power washer together. Three hours later I was ready to start my new power washer. After trying to start my new power washer for about 15 minutes, I discovered (and this is true) it had a switch that needed to be flipped on before it would start.

I flipped the switch on and the power washer started.

At noon Saturday, I began power washing our deck and patio. At 12:30 p.m. my wife called me inside to take part in a “quick family reunion” via-Zoom with my six brothers and sisters, numerous nieces and nephews and my aunt and cousin.

At 2 p.m. I went outside to finish power washing our deck and patio.

At 6 p.m. Saturday I finished power washing our deck and patio.


Oh well. At least I didn’t have to mow the yard.